One bright and sunny day, there was one British voyager ship drifting along the open sea. Everything was going fine until…
‘Captain!’ the First Mate shouted to his leader as he pointed to a ship with black sails ‘There are ten pirates coming this way!!!’
‘Aye! Fetch me my red shirt then!!!’ the Captain confidently commanded.
The battle was long, but the British ship had prevailed and the crew celebrated with a few rounds of rum they had victoriously seized from the scallywags.
‘Captain, if i may ask,’ the First Mate pondered ‘why did you ask me to fetch your red shirt???’
‘Because, if i were to be wounded, i wouldn’t want the rest of the crew to worry about my safety and distract themselves from the task at hand.’ the Captain responded.
With the newfound understanding, all the drunken sailors turned in for the night and went to sleep.
‘CAPTAIN!’ the First Mate exclaimed as he frantically stumbled into the cabin upon the following morning ‘There are 100 pirates coming this way!!!’
‘Aye!’ the Captain declared ‘Fetch me my BROWN PANTS then!!!’” —
-Hunter Grey (at the 2009 Palm Springs Team Freedom Retreat for Prepaid Legal)
XD *still in stitches from it*
Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn’t have good aim. FML
This one time…at summer camp…
We were on this field trip and one of the kids i was counseling, he was about 5 or 6, comes up behind me while i’m using one of the adult urinals and tried to make me SHARE because all the other kiddy ones were taken!!! FML SMH XD
Then i know a few people who ought to wear diapers.
A pet peeve of mine is when people say “Literally” when they are far from it. For example “That literally scared the shit out of me!” Literally? Really? Maybe you shouldn’t be sitting on my couch.
The winds o’ change be comin’…
Pull anchor! Ready the SAILS! & FETCH ME RUM!!!
Wait…where’s me crew???
*Yo-ho, yo-ho…a pirate’s life for me.*